Buried Alive


The Sado-Masochism of Breaking up a Relationship by pisaquaririse
October 9, 2010, 4:23 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I ended a partnership of over 4 years about 3 months ago. Cheating.
Fucker.
(And don’t even get me started)

Here is what I know so far: as a female, I calculate emotional pain in unimaginable doses, re-allotting in idiotic patterns and measures to see if this time, just this time, it will work.
So what the hell does that mean.
I don’t even know, really.
The unimaginable doses are the vat-sized wells I visualize inside of me. I can fill and dump and fill and dump-fast like a damn tube-I am capable of enduring waves that leave me beached bones. It hardly occurs to me, until too late, if ever I should have had to endure such emotional anguish. And because I have been taught (though rightly) that love is emotion-based, I misplace BIG emotions in a relationship with LOVE. How men use physical pain to mean worth, I use emotional pain in a relationship.
Love,
Masochism

The re-allotment of idiotic patterns and measure is how I expect the repayment of my emotions to be met. If they can put up with and, even meet, some of my pain-based demands, my heart steals a glance. Do this a lot? “What’s your number?”
In a break-up, these are the ties that bind: how much do I hurt them before they start to mean something again? How much did they hurt in this relationship and does the pain I caused them outweigh the pain they caused me?
Love,
Sadism

Never fear. I am done with this fucker.
But.

I never want to love like this again.


5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I’m sorry it hurts. Hang in there.

Comment by sam

I am too too late for this: thank you sam. :)

Comment by pisaquaririse

Ouch!

Comment by thebewilderness

Rule of thumb: never love anyone more than you love yourself.

Comment by luckynickl

Would it be insensitive of me to say WTF it’s been a year!
I hope you are well.

Comment by thebewilderness




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s



Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 25 other followers

%d bloggers like this: