Buried Alive


slowly but suuurrreely by pisaquaririse
March 23, 2009, 7:13 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


Pisaquari by pisaquaririse
March 1, 2009, 2:53 pm
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Muzak by pisaquaririse
December 24, 2008, 6:17 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized
OH and speaking of music:

My EP should have been done by now. The music promise is yet to be broken.
Producer-boy has been mucking about in these last two weeks. Last week,
after two reschedules, he fumbles “I..uh.doh..you know..tonight? Yeah…you-uh…familyiscomingthroughtonight! Can’t do it!” In the famous words
of Meryl StreepOh ffs, if you’re going to lie at least lie quickly!” I cough up
patriarchal slime as I find myself rearing a threat of ***capitulism***: “Wellll, you get
paid when I get the mixez.” Ahh the clusterfuck I must tend to some days.
(whatamI doing? typing on this blog? someone stop me!)



19th Carnival of Radical Feminists by pisaquaririse
October 28, 2008, 8:27 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

“From an early age I knew my ambition was to be in a plot. Or several plots–I thought of it as a career. But no plots came my way. You have to apply for them, a friend of mine had told me. He’d been around, though he hadn’t been in any plots himself, so I took his advice and went down to the plot factory. As for everything else, there was an interview. So, said the youngish bored man behind the desk, you think you’ve got what it takes to be in a plot. What sort of character did you have in mind? He was fiddling with a list, running his felt-tip pen down it. Character? I said. Yes, that’s what we do here. Plots and characters. Well, I said, I might as well try out for the main character. Or one of them–I suppose every plot needs more than one. You can’t be a main character, he said bluntly. Why not? I said. Look in the mirror, he said. You’re an exotic. What do you mean, an exotic? I’m a respectable person. I don’t do kinky dancing. Exotic, he said in his bored voice. Consult the dictionary, Alien, foreign, coming in from the outside.”

“Plots for Exotics,” Margaret Atwood

Maybe you’re curious like me. How do people get from place to place, idea to idea? What’s their story? I’ve fascinated with the details of people’s personal journeys ever since discovering online feminism. The idea for interviews this time around is nothing more than my curiosity given a voice. I’ve not set out to prove any major trends between radical feminist stories–rather the opposite. You will find some similarities, perhaps every 2 interviews, but nothing notably more conclusive than the words themselves.

This has been such an enjoyable process–I will say it again and again: thank you wimmin, of the time and mind, for coming forward and sharing these personal journeys. I did not expect a great response at the outset–I anticipated an introverted bunch, not used to talking about themselves, shying away from the idea their life story was of any value (doesn’t that sound mean?). There are probably still a lot of those out there (note for future hosts: I am happy to pass along the interview website admin info should you wish to reel these wonderful wimmin in for future carnivals).

However, I am happy to say 9 wimmin eventually tip-toed their way into my inbox! Their stories are linked here, laced in with the rest of the wonderful submissions. Enjoy!

Amy Interview

I felt like being smart was all I had as a little fat girl who didn’t conform to femininity particularly well, who wasn’t attractive or charming or athletic. My attachment to book knowing is apparent on the website, although hopefully I’ve been able to transform loyalty to patriarchal knowledge into loyalty to feminist knowledge.

Demonista Interview

Radical feminism was a deep, long lasting kind of intellectual stimulation. Reading a couple points had my brain buzzing for days

Suzie at Echidne of the Snakes explains further why interpretations of drag (re: huge learning curve) under a patriarchy are not as subversive as some may like to believe.

Some people think drag subverts gender by bringing its performativity into the open. But parody works only if people get it. A straight man at a drag show does not necessarily think: “If that man can look and act like a woman, then that means my girlfriend and I are just performing gender.”

Allecto Interview

I’ve always been a radical feminist. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t see that there was serious dominance/submission issues in male/female relations.

Illustration by Own Smith

Nine Deuce at Rage Against the Manchine takes an ice pick to the issues and concepts differentiating “rights” and “privileges” for porn use. She even later goes onto assert men in relationships who deceitfully use porn are being emotionally abusive. Daring!

Deciding what falls under the rubric of “rights” is a difficult task, and gaining any kind of universal consensus (even on the most basic of human rights) is nearly impossible because the discussion is landmined with the participants’ conflicting cultural and religious values. Fuck, we haven’t even reached the point where we can agree that we all have the right to not be murdered.

Maggie Interview

Well, that day I was feeling bad. I discovered that there was a dimension of this world that i hadn’t known about. It seemed ‘mechanical’ and ‘inhuman’ to me; these are the 2 words i remember thinking.

Amananta at Screaming into the Void shows off her songwriting chops in a political parody of South Park’s “Blame Canada.”

White guy 4: My son could’ve been a doctor or a lawyer rich as me,
But he flunked out when he saw Hillary’s ugly face on tv
Everyone: Should we blame his study habits?
Should we blame his ADD?
Or the teachers who didn’t do their jobs?
White guy 1: heck no!
Everyone: Blame Hillary!

Samantha Berg Interview

When you’re in your anti-porn star shirt seriously discussing plans to humanure while ripping up old political placards into the compost pile for your organic garden, American affluenza seems more like slow suicide than a normal lifestyle.

Via binthebunny.wordpress.com

Via binthebunny.wordpress.com

Rebecca at her personal blog Rmott62 takes no prisoners with some fierce reality checking in “Abolition is a Dream” and “A Revolution in Me.”

They are black women and girls, they are indigenous women and girls, they are women and girls who have be fucked as children, they poor women and girls, they are homeless women and girls, they are addicted women and girls – mainly they are women and girls who have forgotten that they can hope.

&

Each time a man chooses to rape a prostitute, each time a man uses a prostitute as real-life porn, each a man batters a prostitute, each a man kills and throws away a prostitute – it is a slow destruction of all women rights to be fully human.

BBB Interview

I am stubborn, strong-willed, and as my mother and father can attest to, if you tell me to drop it, I’m going to continue talking about it.

Dr. Violet Socks at Reclusive Leftist scarily but beautifully recalls the day her once carefree hiking trips became a reminder of the inevitable: no woman lives free.

I turned back to the trail, deliberate-like, not running, trying not to be scared. Nothing very bad is happening here. I’m just going to continue on my hike. I will continue on my hike and I will drive home and I will make dinner. When I reached the trail I turned around. He was following me.

Julia Interview

How did I bring feminism to the countries I lived in? By being a woman on her own doing what I wanted. Traveling alone in Brazil was very rare for a woman, so was hiking, running…

Sonia at el parador califas tells of her own experiences with domestic violence and how the silencing effects manifest as an epic erasure of it’s pervasiveness.

my self-esteem was at issue, but that’s a setup. women having low self-esteem doesn’t occur in a vaccuum, and it’s not resultant of pms, or high levels of emotion or just being chicks. low self-esteem in women is a requirement for the social status quo.

Amananta Interview

Although I guess I was always feminist, inside. I have never met a woman who believed that the world was fair to women. I suppose the difference is in how women handle that.

Marcella Chester at abyss2hope reveals yet another mindless imbecile who sees his self control astonishingly dependent on womens’ actions.

He wants to be seen as no more responsible for his behavior than a TV is when a woman uses a remote control device. Yet I doubt that he sat as still as a TV when women turned him on.

Jenn Interview

If something really offends me, others may think that my reaction is extreme, but it’s usually the culmination of dozens of slights that just can’t be ignored anymore.

And for a good dose of laughs we end with a little preherstory lesson presented by none other than the great Phemisaurus.



Intermission, a poem by pisaquaririse
September 1, 2008, 8:04 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

If you haven’t already, vast and wide readership (there were 19 hits yesterday), do take a look at the marvelous new header atop my blog.  It’s marvelous.  Thank you Mary Tracy (hey everyone~show some love!) for the smashing artistry.   (We will get that sizing right, yet.)

In other bloggular news, things are still slow here you see.  Way slower than I had intended them to be.  I am not a lazy butt–I have been busy!!  For the curious, some news:

I am currently engrossed in 5-count 5!-musical projects.  Three out of the 5 are technically favors (to be returned? we shall see..), another is a band that is almost ready to gig but the problem is, like any band, it is made of musicians. And the last is my personal recording project which I am pouring myself into.  It is an emotional project, to say the least (p-blaming lyrics, alterna bluesy angry stuff), and very time-and-money-consuming.  So when I’m not busy filling the vocal and writing interests of 4 other music situations, I am working to afford my own thing.  Don’t ask me how I got pulled into all this because I’ll tell you: too many “yeah, sure, why nots,” semi-honest people relaying only *so much* the true extent for which they need me, and the crappy Life Luck that is everythinghappenallatonceokaygorightnow!

Still reading around of course.  Commenting tres lightly.  I don’t like commenting and then not having the time or energy to follow up–which would explain the lack of posts.   Don’t know when we’ll be seeing a pick up in posting either — I’m in the the thick of the messes right now.

All that said, I am planning to host a little *private* listening party here for my songs once they are finished.  Seeing as how so much of what I have to say, creatively, has been affected by feminism and the internets (of all things) I would like the internets to hear me holla back.  So you have it in writing: I owe you songs.

**********

I was grabbing at inspiration today and picked up Atwoods “The Tent.”  The first poem I turned to was called “Bring Back Mom: An Invocation.”  The contents, of which I cannot grant you full access because it is so looooonng ( & in case you haven’t been reading, I haven’t the *time*) are too perfect for a radfem blog not to share.  I have copied down the end below.

Read it.  Then tell me something in comments I don’t know about you.

Bring Back Mom: An Invocation

If only we could call you-

Here Mom, Here Mom

and you would come clip-clopping

on your daytime Cuban heels,

smelling of sink and lilac,

(your bum encased in in the foundation garment

you’d peel off at night

with a sigh like a marsh exhaling),

saying, What is it now

and we could catch you

in a net, and cage you

in your bungalow, where you belong,

and make you stay-

Then everything would be all right

the way it was when we could play

till after dark on spring evenings,

then sleep without fear

because you threw yourself in front of the fear

and stopped it with your body-

And there you’ll be, in your cotton housecoat,

holding a wooden peg

between your teeth, as the washing flaps

on the clothesline you once briefly considered

hanging yourself with-

but forget that! There you’ll be,

singing a song of your own youth,

as though no time has passed,

and we can be careless again.

and embarrassed by you,

and ignore you as we used to,

and the holes in the world will be mended.



Conversation with my mother by pisaquaririse
August 18, 2008, 7:48 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I just had an almost 2 hour conversation with my mother about, for lack of a better word, life.  Life of the present, future kind.  What’s going on, what will be going on, fears, worries.  Financial stress.  Family.  Dad. Me.  My future.  Love.

And it wouldn’t be such a big deal except that I don’t share much with my mother (or vice versa) who has presented herself as unemotional for most of my life.  Not that I don’t try but attempts are often met with laughter or exclamations that I “lighten up!”  I have many ideas for why this is but must bar feminism from any sort of announced reasoning as my mother finds feminism trivial.  (have I mentioned she and I are quite different?)

So 2 hours is quite a long time for us to share any sort of personal opinion because it happens too little.  Getting out our feelings together is startled by bursts of sadness as we discover how much has truly  gone unsaid.  Even telling each other we want the best for each other is hard because we are so unpracticed in meaningful conversations.  Built up emotion comes booming out at the most seemingly innocuous times because it has no where to go but out.

I say all this because it’s important I remind myself what’s going on–plus, I know I’m not the only one with these sorts of tangled family relationships.

We ended with a 5 minute hug and I decided, with difficulty, to make it known why it was hard for me to come to her as I did not want the moment to pass me by.  I let her know that the mockery of emotional sharing as well as the physical and verbal abuse I endured for a good bit of my time at home has always made it seem we can’t have a close relationship.  There is resentment and still a desire to be close.  Tear-ily, she told me she’d made bad parenting moves and that it keeps her up some nights now.  She said she was sorry.

I’ve never told her those things.   I’ve really wanted to for a really long time. If I had to choose 3 of the most important things I’ve wanted to happen in my life thus far this exchange would have been one of them.  And it just happened, maybe 20 minutes ago.

And I wanted to share.



“Screaming Demon!!!!!” Commenter 155.42.57.57, RtgdfSmith@aol.com by pisaquaririse
July 23, 2008, 10:30 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve just unapproved 4 comments with vile, vicious, disgusting threats made to commenters/bloggers Lara and Laurelin. There was also one generic one I’m guessing was addressed to me?

To my readers who were exposed to/possibly triggered by this hateful crap: I am so sorry.

I cannot understand how this person got through as I must moderate all new commenters. So far as I can tell this IP has never been here before.

I’ve looked up the IP and all the information I can get is that it’s Vermont State college.

Again:

155.42.57.57

RtgdfSmith@aol.com

If anyone wouldn’t mind reviewing their comment IP’s to see if this person is identifiable I would appreciate it.

I’ve still got the comments should anyone really be interested in reading them. I only ask that, if you are interested in reading them, you be of sound mind.

Again, I’m so sorry these got through.



Feminism and Choice, p.2 by pisaquaririse
July 23, 2008, 4:34 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

A choice only exists when there are at least two options for the given opportunity:

A. to do

B. not to do

It is a common assumption that most things we *do* are made (almost) entirely from our choice(s). We focus our attention on the “to do” option.

Where we seem slight in analysis (as I’ve said before and will continue to –let me count the ways) is on the “not to do” option. Taking that a step further, we are presumptuous in our own acceptance of having made a “choice” when the do has been done (<*I seriously could not think of a better way to say this!*).

Which is exactly what patriarchy wants: don’t worry about refusing because the system is designed so that the “to do” is built around so much pleasure, joy, and social acceptance that “not to do” never crosses our minds.

That is not nor will it ever be the conditions conducive to choice. Plain, simple, rinse, repeat.

Let’s say tomorrow, for example, women declared they didn’t feel like having sex with men for a year, or, instead, said “no sex” for 365 days straight–exactly what do we think would happen to rape numbers?

When our options are further complicated by having to depend on someone else’s options (like sex) we must be extra critical in stating a “choice” has been made (get that? That’s 4 options–several of which, combined, are mutually exclusive for choice).

The difficult part, of course, is knowing whether or not we had that “not to do” all along. This is because knowing the “to do” option does not automatically reveal the status of the “not to do.” Whereas if you find out you cannot do something then the “to do” is null immediately. You know the status of both options.

When women’s status remains as coerced and bribed and restricted as it is one would think the very concept of a feminist “choice” would be used so cautiously, if not rarely, that the occurrence would almost render us speechless.

However, we’ve instead made declaring our feminist “choices” so commonplace in feminist discussions that it would seem we were well on our way to becoming “free.” (The goal of any proper Women’s Backlash is to prematurely announce our status as “free.”) Of course, what is often at work in these declarations of choice is more a statement of privilege than choice.

I should have begun this post differently :

A choice only exists when there are at least two options for the given opportunity:

A. to do

B. not to do

addendum:based on our equal status as human beings.

To be in possession of your two options out of privilege and not because you are a human is not a choice. If without the privilege you would not be allowed your two options then, again, all you are exercising is privilege. Your equal human status is what should grant you the initial two options of to do or not to do.

If we allow “feminist choices” to be an extension of privilege we do women no good by feeding an artificial system that means only to short-circuit our efforts and declare a dangerously premature victory. This would be why, for example, women’s resistance is such an important, eye-opening experience:when we stop agreeing ” to do” the lack of “not to do” rears a much uglier, bigger thead than first thought.

This would also be why I cannot remember the last time I said I’ve made a feminist choice. And that I have such stringent rules for choice is neither defeatist nor women’s-experience-denying. It is, instead, an unwavering commitment to preserve the language of feminist achievements and never accept small ducats for this back and heart breaking work.

In fact, to do otherwise seems to me the more defeatist, women’s-experience-denying position.




Stepping Out by pisaquaririse
June 23, 2008, 10:59 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I will be out of town today thru Wednesday.

Apologies on a bit of sloooowness here at Buried Alive lately.  I actually have several posts in my head but cannot seem to get them out without writing novels.  So: probably looking at more series upon my grand return.

Open thread.

Scary.



A study in excess by pisaquaririse
May 5, 2008, 2:43 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

We studied Dubai a bit in business school–the hotels, the money, the sheer material gluttony. The profs didn’t do any sort of ethical critique. It was all to dangle carrots in front of the money hungry bottom-line thinkers known as business students (the kind that wore suits every day to class while schmoozing with the profs about stock quotes or investments or a host of other topics they knew nothing about).

So, while you anxiously await Sexual Stigma P. 2 I present you a study in excess with your host: the city of Dubai.

Do grab a barf bag.

dubai