Buried Alive

Too Bold for Her Beauty by pisaquaririse
February 19, 2008, 6:58 pm
Filed under: anek-doting, gender pimps, Interconnected!

About two weeks ago my father asked me, “[Pisaquari], have you ever heard the phrase ‘too bold for her beauty’?” 

“No” I said, though smelling a patriarchal infestation immediately. 

“The DJ’s were talking about it this morning on the radio.  It was something their girlfriends [wives?] brought up.” 

Since I can no longer remember his version word for word I will summarize:Essentially, the significant others of these DJ’s had become cruel to a young woman who had newly begun hanging out with their “group”—group being those persons who made up the social gathering of friends and girlfriends to the DJ’s. 

 When the significant others were asked why they had become mean they responded “She is too bold for her beauty.” 

This was then explained as: this woman, being “beautiful” as she was (patriarchal standards mind us!), was too outspoken, too forthright for her looks.  For her beauty she would have to wait her turn to be accepted and to know what behavior was allowed—her embodiment of males’ physical desires to be balanced with blankness in mind and personality.   As well, this woman was further alienated by the other women for not having known this Truth and for not having exercised it in the company of other women. 

Dad asked me and my mom if this rule was true. 

Without a beat: “Yep!” said mom.  And then, bragging, “I was one of those girls too bold for her beauty.”                                                                                                                             (:::sigh:::)

My first thought was what great a clusterfuck of stupid, sadness, and oh-boy-patriarchy this was.

My own little self-esteem bubbles fizzled and I sort of snapped.                                                  

I said “Well were the DJ’s talking about her looks?!”                                                                  

“Not that I can remember,” said dad.  “They were just stunned some rule like this even existed.”  

 I told him I felt for all the women.   I felt for the woman who was born into looks-privilege, for her entire life she would be the center of a scam on hu-Man sexuality and her own self worth–that the “beautiful” women were owned at birth, forced into the sexualized and romanticized lens of males without a choice (anti-sexy anybody?).  Her genetic predisposition to patriarchy-approved face and body was an empty cause with no intrinsic value except to pit her against other women’s self esteem and appropriate more ladeez in the name of male entitlement to women’s physicalities and, you know, boners.  (and yes—I recognize *many* women indulge and exploit this).                                                                   

And, of course, I said I felt for the girlfriends/wives who knew too well their *place* amongst the Looks Hierarchy.  For how could they not?  How much of all our lives have we been forced to pick out amongst the crowd who the lucky lady is—who gets the attention of the masses.  Perhaps, sometimes, it’s us with the focus and we gladly welcome it.  Other times maybe we are second rate and note it quickly as the long-legged, long-lashed, high cheek-boned (or whatever) specimen walks in, much to the adoring googly-eyes of the men.  The DJ’s significant others probably used some much sharpened instincts to spot Patriarchy’s trophy wife when she came in.  And to counter this artificial Looks Hierarchy they had to create an artificial control mechanism—thus, “too bold for her beauty” was born.                 

too bold for her beauty                                                                                                                   

I was surprised such a perfect phrase, such a stunning summation of Universal woman-on woman hating had passed me by.                                                                                                     But really, it had’t.

For I too have hated myself for my looks.  I’ve hated other women for their looks.  I’ve gone hungry for a jeans size.  I had a shit relationship with my mirror for most of my adolescent years (now I would call it “decent”).  I’ve crapped multiple meals-laxatives-to feel empty (<irony there).  I’ve wished girlfriends would gain weight.  I’ve dressed in a way to deliberately pry attention from other women’s significant others to show those other women I had something over them.  I’ve visited make up counters to get pointers on how to better look like a *humble clown*.  I’ve made fun of people’s looks.  I’ve wanted someone for their looks.                                                                                                                                               And everything I’ve listed here has been done to me or been self-inflicted by those I have called friends or loved ones.

Absolutely there is a continuum that we all fall on and sure it shifts by person but let’s GET REAL.  There is a *reason* commercials sound like they are coming from an echo chamber.  There is a *reason* most women want to lose weight, look younger, have smooth skin, a tighter butt, perkier breasts, and wear make up.  There is a *reason* wrinkles are undesirable.  There is a *reason* women in other countries, where Westernization is occurring, are getting plastic surgery to look like women in America.  There is a *reason* ALL women, at some point in their life, suffer the bowels of low self-esteem from something so innocuous as “looks.”                                                                                                                                            And there is a *reason* men continue to reinforce this with their behavior.    

It comes with the territory: if you artificially pump value into the value-less (looks–as in, physical features) the loop holes will be large and the area/room for “error”, desperation, artificial goals and lotsa industries will be endless. 

Our physical features are an empty (involuntary for the most part) facet of us with no inherent connection to sharing meaningful experiences with each other. Yet they dictate so much.  They are used to facilitate and control our interactions at such a heightened level with such a broad scope. (yep, even seen/read radfems engaged in this nonsense–so no one is safe!) 

So it is with sadness and no great surprise that I drearily end this “too bold for her beauty” post in hopelessness: Looks Hierarchy goes on.  Self-hate goes on.  Tummy tucks go on.  Revlon goes on.  Woman-on-woman hating goes on.  “Beauty” goes on.

ALL of it–and not a bit of it worth our time.

5 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Please excuse the format–wordpress and I had it out today. Gotta run errands…wanted to get the post out of the way though…

Comment by pisaquaririse

I suspect if she had been called ‘uppity’ the menz would have understood exactly what was being objected to. I think the menz like to pretend to be surprised that their handmaidens perpetuate and police the status heirarchy of the patriarchy.

Comment by thebewilderness

geeezus bewilderness–props to you for cobbling sense out of that shoddy post! (apologies readers–never again will I post in such haste!)

“I suspect if she had been called ‘uppity’ the menz would have understood exactly what was being objected to. I think the menz like to pretend to be surprised that their handmaidens perpetuate and police the status heirarchy of the patriarchy.”

Hadn’t thought about it like this–great point.

Such is a quality of the privileged to play the “unaware” card. Plus I’ve listened to these asshole DJ’s before–they frequently talk about other women and boobs and bodies and “hotness.” The same kind of guys who would say “what’s the big deal???” if their girlfriends ever took issue with all this Look Hierarchy.

Comment by pisaquaririse

Wow, “Too Bold For Her Beauty” is a great post: powerful in content and style! (And, I seldom if ever use exclamation points in my written punctuation.)

I am now introduced to a new phrase that should make us all very uncomfortable and which I fear is right-on-target with reality. Equally discomforting is that this reality is so discomforting that most people either fail to see it or they see it/know it but deny it. I have long called this situation and these dynamics as Physical Attractiveness Phenomenon, and this post graphically, interestingly, and expressively articulates well the situation and dynamics of good looks and not so good looks through the eyes of both women and the men.

I am new to this “Buried Alive” blog but I am not new to topics concerning looks/physical attractiveness. (In fact, if I am permitted to “toot my own horn for a moment,” the primetime television news magazine Dateline NBC, in 2004, used me to conduct a series of hidden camera scenarios concerning how people react and don’t react to individuals of higher and lower physical attractiveness, during which broadcast the program reported “Dr. Patzer has studied physical attractiveness for more than 30 years.”) During these many years, I have encountered many academic research projects and many first-hand personal conversations that parallel closely the perspectives and realities stated in this “Too Bold For Her Beauty” post.

Among the zillion blogs nowadays, “Buried Alive” looks to be in the upper tier in quality of well-presented content, as well as dealing with topics of importance to everyone; even though many fail to recognize or acknowledge the Looks Hierarchy and all the negative consequences that accompany it. And, as I frequently say, “Beauty is Ugly,” or, at the least, “Beauty can be Ugly.”

Best wishes and compliments for a great looking blog…it is certainly a blog on my list that I intend to keep reading.

Dr. Gordon Patzer
author of “Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined”

Comment by Dr. Gordon Patzer

[…] pisaquari@gmail.com Physical Appearance June 3, 2008, 4:50 pm Filed under: Antibodies, Grab a shovel, Interconnected!, PUKE, gender pimps I’ve technically already done this post. […]

Pingback by Physical Appearance « Buried Alive

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: