via Editorializing the Editors:
“… my “no” needs to be heard. My “yes” is taken for granted already.”
And that is what I call a preciselyism–poignantly pointed. Prickly prick!
Using that I will clarify a little about this blog:
I blog for the “no.”
I cry for the “no.”
I want the “no.”
I take quite seriously the “no.”
My “no” is often ignored, often not heard or, at most, watered down into maybe/possibly/probably/she is just lying or kidding or prudish or a bitch or too [insert typical insult].
The “no” is commonly the cry unheard round the world.
The “no” is mocked.
The “no” is sexualized.
The”no” is muted in the daily lives of millions and millions and millions (…) of women.
In a patriarchy the “yes” sounds louder, the “yes” has more reverb, lasts longer. The “yes” is reinforced at every turn by media, by advertising, by men, by personal exchanges, by orgasms/smiles/serotonin, by nearly all public appearances. And at the fault of no woman: one woman’s “yes” counters twenty women’s “no.”
No is the after thought: the how-could-anyone-have-known , the too-far-away-to-care, the too-late.
No is not in the forefront. No is the shadow, the two sentence blurp in the news right before the cut to commercials where Revlon or a sitcom vignette tells us yes. No is the painful memory we must only tell in secret, in special meetings, in therapy groups, with psychiatrists who can provide enough forget-me-pills to drown out “no.”
“No” hides.
“No” delays.
“No” has no place.
“Yes” medicates the “no” away from itself. “Yes” blurs lines, blows smoke, masquerades, silences.
“Yes” is part of the entitlement infrastructure of patriarchy. Men are entitled to my “yes.” Women are entitled to my yes. Much of my life has been structured around the “yes.” I am lost in “yes” and smothered and beaten down and forced by “yes.”
I cannot count how many times I’ve been in a situation where I am three “yes’s” in by default, before I knew what was going on–before “no” was even presented as an option. I cannot count how many times my “no” never occurred to me, or how faintly it cried.
Now years later my memories speak louder the “no” I had all along, the “no” that now only baits pain in its own hindsight.
I want to yell “NO” louder with more blog posts.
I want to yell “NO” louder in my own life (and often that strength comes from this online community).
I want to listen closer so I can hear the “NO!” that shames itself into a whisper in the voices of the women around me.
I want “NO!” to startle and affect.
I want with everything I have to compensate for the everywhere-allthetime-everywoman “yes”–not a balance, not a crowd pleasing 50/50 but unapologetically, not even beginning to teeter on evenness, NO.
In this space, on this blog, under my moderation, NO gets the mic. NO is assumed, is admitted, is discovered, is the obvious, is the default. NO is shameless and forthright and annoyed and understanding and scared.
NO is loud. Listen.